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He's so dumb, he sits on the TV and watches the sofa.

You're so ugly, when you go into the bank they turn off the surveillance cameras.

Those people are so dumb, one of 'em was killed in a pie eating contest when the cow sat on him.

Thinks he's a real wit. He's half right.

In a battle of wits she's unarmed.

The oven's on, but nothing's cooking.

He's a little too tall for his blood supply.

When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there, serving them drinks.

I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you.

Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

He's a few clowns short of a circus.

She's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

She's a few Cokes short of a six-pack.

He's a few peas short of a casserole.

The wheel's spinning, but his hamster's dead.

She's one taco short of a combination plate.

She's a few feathers short of a whole duck.

He's all foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off his cracker.

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

He has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

She's as smart as bait.

He doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

He forgot to pay his brain bill.

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

She got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

I love you more today than tomorrow.

He's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

He's a gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

She's got a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

She's a prime candidate for natural deselection.

He's as bright as Alaska in December.

One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.

He donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

He fell out of the family tree.

He's more confused than Mike Tyson at a spelling bee.

The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

He's so dense, light bends around him.

If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.

I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

He's been working with glue too much.

He would argue with a signpost.

He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.

He's a couple of bricks short of a hod.

He's a couple of dilithium crystals short of a warp core. 

He's a couple of knights short of a Crusade. 

He's a couplet short of a sonnet.
He's a few ears short of a bushel.

He's a few feet short of the runway.

He's a few links shy of a chain.

He's a few puppies short of a pet shop.

He's a few tomatoes short of a thick sauce.

He's got a room temperature IQ.

He's about a half a bubble off plumb.

He's all lime and salt, but no tequila.

He's an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

He was born during low tide in the gene pool.

He has both oars in the water, but they're on the same side of the boat!

He can't find his ass with two hands and a periscope.

She's deaf, dumb, and blonde.

His deck has no face cards.

He is diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He doesn't have his belt through all the loops.

She's eating with only one chopstick.

Her elevator doesn't make it to the penthouse.

God might still use him for miracle practice.

He has six beers, but lacks the little plastic thing to hold them together.

His jogging trail doesn't go all the way around the lake. 

He left the store without all of his groceries.

He's missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in her silo.

He's not the quickest bunny in the forest.

She's one song short of a musical.

Her slinky is kinked.

Some M and Ms are missing from her bowl. 

He's strong like bull, smart like streetcar.